Jan. 28th, 2011

sprinkletheif: (Default)
so... i've been recommended for a paid fellowship in cleveland this summer. this would be for under-served populations, victim advocacy and nonprofit management experience. it brings me to this quandary: what exactly do i want to do with my life?

i've had my goals set on law enforcement to some degree, but i think i'm finding more and more that my passions lie with protecting those who cannot protect themselves. it makes me wonder what my career path should be: law school to become an attorney with a psych background, or a psych PhD to wield as i see fit... or both (plus, dr. davis sounds pretty awesome...)? i don't know how i always end up in these situations, where i'm offered an amazing opportunity but i'm so ambivalent that i can't figure out what to do until the deadline is long passed. at least this time i don't have to give anything up because my significant other cannot be bothered to help out. justin has told me over and over again that whatever i choose to do is absolutely fine. i just want to make sure that i make the correct choice with such an amazing option handed to me, to make sure i'm not wasting his time. he has so much faith in me to change the world... i wish i had a fraction of that...

ever since i was little, i wanted to join the peace corps. this was of course after my aspirations to become president of the united states and being an ethnomethodologist subsided (yes, i was a weird kid, we've covered this in previous entries). sometimes i wonder if that isn't my place in this world - living in absolute poverty and helping to make a better life for people. i know there's no such thing as true altruism, even people who want nothing in return still obtain that sense that they helped and that makes them feel good - anyone who denies this is a liar. but so what if what makes me feel good is making sure this cluster of people get TB medication or protection against malaria. who cares if i spend my nights in a tent with a slurry of rape victims on the ivory coast... i've just always felt that i had a calling far beyond the boarders of a defunct capitalist democracy that ignores it's own people. i've never felt like i belong here, but that might just be the aspergers...

at any rate, there's my brain barf for the night. i've drunk two large cans of beck's and a bloody mary with 5 shots of vodka in it to try to get to sleep and - surprise - i'm wide awake.


sprinkletheif: (Default)

February 2012

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