don't pretend everything's fine when it isn't - that's just lying to yourself when you're writing. LJ is a great place to vent and i don't mind reading your venting entries one bit. have you seen the crap i've been writing about my life lately? haha... you haven't even reached that level. anyway, i'm sorry you're so sick and down. i've been there - if i weren't at home being taken care of by my mommy (gag... i know) i'd probably be there now. this may sound silly but when i've been down like that and not able to generate the energy to even brush my teeth i used to write down everything i had to do on little pieces of paper and then fold them up and put them in a plastic bag. then i'd draw them out of the bag one by one and get them done. all i had to do is get one job done and then i allowed myself to sleep or whatever for a while. the purpose of the bag and the drawing of the tasks is so that you can't just do one easy thing and call it quits. maybe something like this would work for you??