swiped from dyad faerie on myspace

just felt like doing one of these and this one's a little different and i didn't want to post it as a bulletin over there.

( i've come to realize... )

(no subject)

the arthritis index must be pretty high, the cats and i are moving like we're in slow motion. oi.

no pain killers for me today either cuz i haven't slept yet and those bad boys will put me right the fuck under and i have too much to do today. hopefully i can squeeze in a nap between school and work...

(no subject)

i'm somehow sitting in the balance of either being really sad or euphorically happy. i don't know if it's meds kicking in gradually or if its good ol' holistic crazy, but it's annoying me.

outside looking in i'm pretty well honed on my skills to keep from showing any sign of bubbling over while inside it's all fire and brimstone - but just barely. in the distance you can see the idiotic happiness i tend to experience that can only be described as absurdly jubilant. many a silly dance/word has been birthed out of such paroxysms.

there's really no reason to feel extreme either way. life's alright, i'm keeping everything together as best i can. financially i'm still poor as fuck but i worked out a payment agreement with the spine people so they won't report me to the credit bureaus so long as i toss them some cash every month. i'm up to date on all my bills (ahead on a couple by accident) and christmas shopping is almost finished (i'm still trying to figure out that great and wonderful awesome thing to get for joey... any ideas?). money was the source of my stress for so long it's strange to not be horribly pinched for once.

maybe this is what "normal" feels like? maybe i'm subconsciously thinking this is a calm before some storm - i do have to have a couple of surgeries that are going to knock me out of work for a good month or so on crappy sick pay, but i'm up to date with everything so i shouldn't be too hard pressed.

i dunno, i don't really have much to be jumping for joy either really besides being an a totally normal well adjusted relationship (which i am VERY happy about, i don't want it to sound like it's nothing - it's amazing). but life is pretty mundane. i spend so much time at work/school i don't really have much of a life anymore. there really isn't time for anything to happen, which is good in a way.

maybe winter break will return me to my discombobulated self. or maybe this is my new self. maybe i finally grew up...