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30 day meme, day 4
Dec. 16th, 2010 01:15 amDay 04 - Your views on religion.
my mother once told me that religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell, and spirituality is for those of us who have been there. i see the point in that, that being introspective as far as the meaning of life is more of an acquired skill than just blindly following what you're told. religion is something that personally frightens me. and i don't mean "oooh, look how cool and anti-establishment i am! fuck religion! hail satan!!" kind of fright, but panic attack when i thought i had to go to church kind of frightened.
early on, my mother was really cool about religion. she's pagan, but she wanted me to learn as much as i could about every religion so that i could make an informed decision as to which way to go. seeing how i was reading shakespeare in the third grade, the bible wasn't a far stretch for me. what was strange to me was that people dedicate their lives to these fables, and some of the things i read were so bigoted and arcane that i couldn't believe anyone with any intellect would believe this nonsense, let alone live their lives around it, word for word. i should probably take this moment to remind my faithful readers of my asperger's and uber literal sense of the world growing up.
i always found myself far more fascinated by things that could be proven, tangible evidence of life. when i was probably about 4 or 5 my dad started teaching me about chemistry. he explained to me what an atom was, said that they're like little solar systems that make up everything in the world. that night he found me huddled up in my room bawling my eyes out. when he asked me what was wrong, i apparently told him that i was scared we were all going to die. if everything in our world was made up of tiny solar systems, what's to say our solar system isn't an atom in a giant's toenail? if he clips it we'll all die! so yeah, having an existential crisis at 4 or 5 years old (you should have seen when he taught me about heisenberg's uncertainty principle and the observer effect... i was afraid to move or look at anything for about a week).
things like that seem quite a bit more plausible to me than some entity like in revelations. i'm not too sure i'd be down with a god who's got a sword coming out of his mouth...
i mean, i'd like to believe there's a higher power, some driving force behind us all, but i just cannot force myself to believe this. i've gone rounds with people over this and have learned its better to just not say anything and let them live on their happy cloud. i don't believe in a soul, i don't believe in ghosts, i don't believe that god has a plan for us all. i feel like its all just justification for shitty things that happen, an external locus of control, and that's fine for people who want to live that way. i prefer to take a more realistic approach. instead of "oh, i have AS and will probably die before most of the people i know, but that's just god's way of telling me i need to buckle down and get stuff done while i still can!" i'm more of a "i have AS because of shitty genetics and rampant autoimmune disorders in my family on both sides. whooptie shit. now where's my beer?" i guess i just take more comfort in knowing the real and logical explanations instead of the convoluted fairy tales that build up religion.
but you know, for those who are into it, its comforting, and i'm cool with that. its like a security blanket, and i totally respect that. if someone is really and truly convinced that god has a plan for them, then keep on believing that, especially if its saving you from crippling depression or something similarly difficult. sometimes i wish that i could be like that, but then my mind kicks in and i analyze and tear apart everything until i get an explanation. its exhausting, depressing and sometimes i wish i could just turn it off. but i have this pet peeve about half-assing things, so saying "oh, i didn't get the job because god has other plans" makes me want to rip my eyeballs out and feed them to badgers.
my mother once told me that religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell, and spirituality is for those of us who have been there. i see the point in that, that being introspective as far as the meaning of life is more of an acquired skill than just blindly following what you're told. religion is something that personally frightens me. and i don't mean "oooh, look how cool and anti-establishment i am! fuck religion! hail satan!!" kind of fright, but panic attack when i thought i had to go to church kind of frightened.
early on, my mother was really cool about religion. she's pagan, but she wanted me to learn as much as i could about every religion so that i could make an informed decision as to which way to go. seeing how i was reading shakespeare in the third grade, the bible wasn't a far stretch for me. what was strange to me was that people dedicate their lives to these fables, and some of the things i read were so bigoted and arcane that i couldn't believe anyone with any intellect would believe this nonsense, let alone live their lives around it, word for word. i should probably take this moment to remind my faithful readers of my asperger's and uber literal sense of the world growing up.
i always found myself far more fascinated by things that could be proven, tangible evidence of life. when i was probably about 4 or 5 my dad started teaching me about chemistry. he explained to me what an atom was, said that they're like little solar systems that make up everything in the world. that night he found me huddled up in my room bawling my eyes out. when he asked me what was wrong, i apparently told him that i was scared we were all going to die. if everything in our world was made up of tiny solar systems, what's to say our solar system isn't an atom in a giant's toenail? if he clips it we'll all die! so yeah, having an existential crisis at 4 or 5 years old (you should have seen when he taught me about heisenberg's uncertainty principle and the observer effect... i was afraid to move or look at anything for about a week).
things like that seem quite a bit more plausible to me than some entity like in revelations. i'm not too sure i'd be down with a god who's got a sword coming out of his mouth...
i mean, i'd like to believe there's a higher power, some driving force behind us all, but i just cannot force myself to believe this. i've gone rounds with people over this and have learned its better to just not say anything and let them live on their happy cloud. i don't believe in a soul, i don't believe in ghosts, i don't believe that god has a plan for us all. i feel like its all just justification for shitty things that happen, an external locus of control, and that's fine for people who want to live that way. i prefer to take a more realistic approach. instead of "oh, i have AS and will probably die before most of the people i know, but that's just god's way of telling me i need to buckle down and get stuff done while i still can!" i'm more of a "i have AS because of shitty genetics and rampant autoimmune disorders in my family on both sides. whooptie shit. now where's my beer?" i guess i just take more comfort in knowing the real and logical explanations instead of the convoluted fairy tales that build up religion.
but you know, for those who are into it, its comforting, and i'm cool with that. its like a security blanket, and i totally respect that. if someone is really and truly convinced that god has a plan for them, then keep on believing that, especially if its saving you from crippling depression or something similarly difficult. sometimes i wish that i could be like that, but then my mind kicks in and i analyze and tear apart everything until i get an explanation. its exhausting, depressing and sometimes i wish i could just turn it off. but i have this pet peeve about half-assing things, so saying "oh, i didn't get the job because god has other plans" makes me want to rip my eyeballs out and feed them to badgers.